Social media has become more than just entertainment – it is a cultural guidebook for relationships. TikTok trends, Instagram quotes, and Twitter threads are constantly setting new standards for what love should look like. While these “rules” can sometimes inspire self-worth, they often create unrealistic expectations that complicate young relationships. Here are some of the most popular social media standards and how they affect couples.
“If he wants to, he will”
This suggests that true love requires no excuse – if someone cares for you, they will show it through effort. On the positive side, this standard reminds young people not to settle for less. However, it can also overlook real-life barriers like finances, stress, and personal differences in love languages. It pushes partners into a state of constant performance, leaving little room for understanding or compromise. They have to keep up and guess what you want based on what social media has to say. Constantly comparing your relationship to others fosters a sense of dissatisfaction within your relationship. Love requires communication because unspoken expectations can lead to resentment. It is important to communicate how you want to be loved instead of just assuming that your partner knows your needs. If they know, they will. Do you love sunflowers instead of roses? Let them know so that they can love you in the way you want to be loved.
“Public love is real love”
Social media often equates affection with visibility. Posting your partner online is treated as proof of commitment. This can reassure some, but it also creates tension if one partner values their privacy. A relationship becomes less about how the couple feels in private and more about how it appears to the public, fostering insecurity if public validation is missing.
The Bare Minimum Olympics
Acts like buying flowers or planning dates are widely celebrated online. While it is healthy to normalise appreciation, social media sometimes frames these gestures as exceptional rather than basic forms of care. One of the reasons people are not content in their relationships is because they always seek grand gestures as evidence of love. They want to see these extravagant efforts all the time. But the reality is in the little things. Life is a journey, and you need someone who you are happy to do basic stuff with: grocery shopping, cooking together, running errands, and just existing in silence together. Contentment is the goal, and the Instagramable life is not sustainable. You must be looking forward to doing life’s mundane tasks.
“Toxic equals passion”
Sometimes, social media romanticises toxic dynamics such as jealousy, constant arguing, or dramatic breakups as signs of true love. This can normalise unhealthy behavior and blur the line between intensity and instability. Young people may mistake toxicity for love, staying in harmful dynamics because they believe struggle makes the relationship real. Having your partner call you every two minutes when you are out with your friends is not care – it is surveillance. Love respects personal freedom and does not require constant proof of loyalty.
“I can’t live without you, you’re my everything.” Sounds romantic, right? Well, this level of dependence is unhealthy. It puts pressure on one partner to be the sole source of happiness, which often leads to burnout and resentment. Toxicity is not romance – it is abuse.
Social media standards influence how people define effort, loyalty, and affection. While some can empower people to expect more from their partners, they often impose rigid and unrealistic ideals that ignore the complexities of real relationships. Create your own definition of love, effort, and respect, and make sure it is sustainable offline and that it is authentic.
Tshepiso Makhetha
Originally posted on the PDBY website: The Dark Side of Social Media on Relationships
